Here Are Some of The E-Mails We Have Received On Topics Of Interest To Our Subscribers. Let Us Hear How You Feel About It! Respond To: Dad@Dad-E-Zine.com

9/07

Topic:

The amount of time my son spends playing video games and on the computer is becoming a problem! When I tell him it is time to get off the reply is always the same, "O.K, In a minute!" Then after a while I get totally aggravated, I give him enough time to "save" and then I go in and just turn it off. This only causes a big arguement! I really hate fighting with him about the same thing every day. What can I do to keep things calm?

J. J.  N.Y.

 

Point Of View:

We used to have the same problem with our 13 year old son. There would be arguments every time we told him to shut it off. So this is what we did. We had a one on one talk with him, away from the computer, TV ,Radio etc..  We explained to him that from now on you have limited time on the video games etc. We know that you get lost in time when you are involved in a game. we are going to set a timer for you. When it goes off give yourself 5 more minutes to save and shut down and you are done. This is now the rule. if you abuse the privilege you will lose the privilege for the next day. 

My son says he likes to play, because it helps him to unwind. He is a great kid, 4.0 GPA, well behaved and likeable. But he does get obsessed by by video games etc. We are not against him playing the games if this is how he wants to relax, that is fine with us. He still does yard work, house work, home work, projects for school, Boy Scouts, volunteer work and many other things. He just needs to keep the game playing, in perspective.

 Once you go through the penalty phase of "no games the following day" , he will see that you mean what you said. Yes there will probably be one more argument about that , but stick to you plan and follow through with it!  At least we found it works for us.

Good Luck!

R. S.  Florida

 

 

10/07
Topic:

Do you know who your child's friends are? If not how do you find out, if they won't tell you?


Point Of View:

 Children especially in their teens are sometimes secretive as to their friends. Especially girls. It is a awkward time for teenagers with their hormones going crazy. Their release, many times is sharing with their girlfriends their innermost secrets and fantasies. For this reason, sometimes girls at this age do not share who their friends are with their parents and siblings. The telltale signs are their being on the phone for hours on end, being moody, lack of attention, not wanting to participate in family activities. The best way to get them to tell you who their friends are is to encourage that they have them over. Sleep overs on weekends is always a favorite and it allows you to meet their friends. Of course you need to have a good relationship with your children. Talking about different subjects at the dinner table is one way to break the ice. It is there that you get a pulse on what is happening in their lives. But if you suspect that they are holding something back, do not push them into a conversation about it but rather get together privately to discuss the matter.?

Mario G.



10/07
Topic:

 If you are a Step-Dad, we would like to know how to deal with the adjustments? (This is a tough one!)


Point Of View:

 I am not a dad. I am a mom with 3 children now age 20, 18 and 15 and a boyfriend of almost 8 years. My kids were Girl 12, boy 10, and girl age 7, with no chance of having any more, when this wonderful man stepped into my life. We met through a mutual friend and talked online for more than a week before we met in person, (we lived 170 miles apart) and he had an aunt he visited once a month in my area. Well, we continued to talk as friends for another month. Then we decided to date. Did he really know what he was taking on here? I was a single mom, working two jobs, I had three kids!! Who is this guy? I can't tell you how many times, over the years, I have thanked his mom for her raising such a wonderful son. (and don't? get me wrong his 3 siblings are great too.) Then came the move, well one of us had to, both of us had been with our employers 10 years, I could have transferred, so I offered, he said that wasn't? fair to my kids, who I had just uprooted from Boston to Florida 2 years before. Sweet! My oldest child, she was difficult, got into trouble in school, VERY verbal and smart- mouthed. You know, one of those "first Child" kids. Fearless! My other two, are much easier. Things went how you would think, they pushed buttons, tried to play us against each other. (When that didn't work, they tried other things), only once did I hear the phrase, "your not my dad" well now, they have grown up a lot and things have gotten better over the years, ( I said better, not easier) but now they love this man, as much as I do. I have been asking my ex (not the kid's? father) for a divorce since we split up in 1998, he, for whatever reason, had refused. My oldest child, surprised me, and once asked him to divorce me, so I could marry her "step dad". It only took him 3 more years, but yes, he finally filed, so now I wait for my children's "step dad" to ask me, The wait is torture, but then, so was his. So now once again, my oldest child, has surprised me, in 6 months WE will hopefully be grandparents. Only to surprise me once more, to say to me, Mom, if its a boy, I am going to name the middle name, after my step dads middle name. I couldn't be happier, I cried like a baby.

N.N.